Thursday, May 14, 2009

Mothers, cupcakes, yoga booty Part 2

I had to have a contrast CT on my abdomen today. On the bright side, it's not often I feel relieved that I haven't been able to keep food down lately: today I was very grateful, though I will spare the gorey details. I'll be glad to hear the results, so I can figure out what the hell is wrong with me, physically. And once it gets fixed, I am going to go to Red Robin, get a Royal Burger, Boca patty, bacon on the side, and I am going to tear the shit out of that fucker like I haven't eaten in months! Because, well, I really haven't.

I am not super into sweets, but I hold a special place in my heart for cuppys. In my mind, they are perfect, succinct, and usually quite beautiful. Even sad grocery store cuppys are tenderer, moister and more delicious than the gooped up sheet cakes you would find in the same bakery. Sometimes they even have a cool little ring or toy tucked into the icing for decoration! Score!

For Mother's Day, I had most genius idea for dessert: vanilla cupcakes with lavender buttercream. OMG, SQUEEEEEE!

To my palate, lavender = vanilla, only better. It has a subtle richness, as opposed to the sometimes cloying flavor of (fake or heavy-handed) vanilla. They are equally delicate in their profiles, allowing you to discern the quality of your dish, not just the wallop of artificial flavor. In deference to the previous sentence, lavender is also one of those flavors you don't often see synthesized: vanilla, in spite of its ready availability and natural potency, is very often artificial. The smell of the fake stuff makes me ill, both with headache and indignation. Why would a just God allow such an abomination in his Earthly paradise? Is this some kind of sick joke, or punishment for original sin? I could meditate on this premise for days.

I would love to say that my cuppys were an out-and-out triumph, but that was not the case. The cake itself didn't hold together and was a bit dry. It wasn't a low calorie or fat free recipe, and was well reviewed. The frosting was fairly soft and unheapable, which I have heard is common in yolk based French buttercream (the most authentic looking recipe I could find). I didn't mind, since I prefer quality to quantity in the Great Frosting Debate*, and usually wind up scraping most or all of the frosting off of my cupcakes. Bad frosting is not worth eating, and I intend to savor every calorie that goes into my mouth, particularly the sinful ones. I imagine it's sort of like cheating on your spouse, only with your health: it has to be worth the eventual heartache, or it's not worth doing. Some might even say it's never worth doing, and to them I would say: clearly baked goods do not figure into your version of heaven. Boo.

The combination of flavors was AWESOME, as I had suspected. Actually, both the cake and frosting, in spite of their flaws, were quite delicious, Even my mother-in-law had nice things to say about them, which always pleases and surprises me. I opted not to tell anyone what was actually IN the frosting, other than the lavender tisane, since it would only serve to make them unhappy. On the bright side, it was all-natural, something that cannot be said about conventional frosting. And really, there couldn't have been more than a tablespoon of frosting on even the most heavy handed cupcake.

I do, however, have a metric fuck-ton of frosting left over, so I guess I better get my pretty ass into the kitchen and get baking!

*Actually, that sounds like an awesome debate that should totally be had. I want to watch!

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